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Diddler’s Monologue Oh, dear friends, lend me your ears, A tale so twisted, steeped in fears. They call me Diddler—yes, it’s true, A name that sticks like filthy glue. I lurk in alleys, dim and tight, A shadow creeping in the night. A villain vile, a man unchained, Yet knowing well, I should be detained. The coppers, oh, they sniff around, They know the filth in which I’m bound. They whisper laws, they load their clips, Yet still, I slither past their grips. For justice, swift, should clip my wings, Yet freedom grants me wicked things. But soon, oh soon, I’ll dance in chains, As iron bars erase my stains. So let them come! I shan’t protest, The fondler’s game must find its rest. For in my heart, a truth is tucked— A beast like me deserves to be… locked.