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The Vatican had never seen a pope like him. Clad in robes lined with gold but carrying the swagger of a streetwise businessman, Pope Portnoy revolutionized Sunday Mass—turning it into a spectacle of unfiltered wisdom, pizza reviews, and gospel-infused gambling odds. "One bite, everybody knows the rules," he declared, breaking bread with the faithful. The College of Cardinals was horrified. The people? They loved him. "Faith should be fun," he said. And for the first time in centuries, the papal audience numbers skyrocketed.