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"Hi. It’s me, your CEO. $THEPRODUCT is extremely safe.Trust me, it has been tested! This burger? I love it. Really. The way it… exists in my hands right now is life-changing. Juicy. Cheesy. A true product. I’m having the time of my life biting into it. You can tell by my face. Ape in. Hold. Moon soon. Or don’t. Whatever. I’m just here enjoying this very normal meal"