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Meet the Jehovah’s Witness Coin: the door-knocking, Watchtower-wielding giga-chad of eternal optimism! Imagine MLM energy but with the end of the world as the product. They’re out in pressed suits, speedrunning suburbia like it’s GTA side missions, dropping pamphlets harder than airdrops. No candles, no cake—just “Happy Tuesday, Brother” and an apocalyptic group chat that never mutes. Buy in now or regret it at Armageddon, anon. 🚪📜🙏
