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67 and lives alone in a small, permanently dark bedroom somewhere in the mountains. Nobody is entirely sure what he does for money. He claims he's “retired,” but nobody remembers him ever having a job. His curtains haven't been opened since 2019, and the only significant light source in his life is his phone screen. He wakes up around 1:30 PM, checks his phone before his eyes have properly opened, and then spends another three hours under the quilt. Breakfast is usually whatever is within arm's reach from the night before. At some point he'll tell himself he's going to shower, clean the room and “get his shit together tomorrow.” Goy's phone is basically his entire civilisation. His screen time averages 14 hours a day. He has no profile picture, follows thousands of accounts, and occasionally gets into arguments with strangers before deleting his comments because he becomes worried they'll somehow find him. His room contains several mysterious drinking glasses, one chair completely buried beneath clothes, and a bedside drawer that hasn't fully closed in years. The motivational YAK — STRENGTH, SILENCE, SOLITUDE poster was originally supposed to inspire him. It has instead become an eerily accurate description of his circumstances. Every few months, Goy experiences what he calls “The Rebirth.” He watches one motivational video at 3 AM and suddenly decides everything is changing. Tomorrow he'll wake up at 6, exercise, eat properly, delete social media and rebuild his life. He sets seven alarms. At 6 AM the first one rings. Goy looks at it. Turns it off. Pulls the quilt over his horns. The Rebirth is postponed.