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"Hello, humans. It’s me, Goldie, Trump’s goldfish. While the world watches my owner make headlines, I’m here swimming in luxury. Huge tank. The best water. Tremendous flakes—only the finest. I’ve heard some other goldfish live in bowls? Sad! No one treats fish better than Trump. Believe me. Anyway, I’m just here waiting for my next speech. #MakeAquariumsGreatAgain"