SANTAVIRUS

BREAKING: First confirmed case of $SANTAVIRUS reported in Switzerland after one man allegedly coughed glitter, said “ho ho hold my fondue,” and began compulsively buying red-and-green Solana coins. Experts say the Santavirus appears to spread first through cold Christian countries, ski villages, Christmas markets, and anyone who still says “Merry Christmas” with too much confidence. Symptoms include: sudden belief in generational wealth hearing sleigh bells when opening Dexscreener uncontrollable urge to wear a Santa hat telling the group chat “this one is different” The CDC has not commented, but Mrs. Claus has reportedly aped in. $SANTAVIRUS — it’s not spreading fear, it’s spreading holiday liquidity.